Compassion isn’t just feeling the suffering of someone else. It’s the motivation to relieve their suffering.
Let’s start by talking definitions. Science defines compassion as the feeling that arises in witnessing another’s suffering and that motivates a subsequent desire to help. What really sets compassion apart from related emotions such as empathy and sympathy is the motivation. It’s not just that we recognize that someone is struggling or even that we feel their pain, compassion means we are actually motivated to help. If we can, we want to do something.
Let’s say your co-worker is really distressed, or you get a call from a friend and they are ranting. We’ve all had these moments, probably many times. There are many ways we can respond; at times when we are empathetic we may get as upset as they are about the situation, joining in with the rant. Other times we may even respond with apathy, we are too busy, too caught up in our own life and don’t have space for it – in other words, we don’t engage. Sometimes we are able to respond with compassion and are really able to be there for them. We don’t get swept up in the upset, we can really help.
Empathy – Apathy – Compassion:
Empathy – the experience of feeling what another person is feeling. If they are suffering we are suffering.
Apathy – we don’t take the call or we tune out, we may notice others are suffering but we don’t let it in.
Compassion – completely different from the above. With compassion we recognize another person is struggling, instead of getting caught up in our own reaction it triggers our caring response and we stay focused on them not on ourselves, we are ready and willing to help.
When scientists started investigating empathy they thought it was much the same as compassion but what they discovered is that not only is it completely different, it is now recognized as related to completely different networks in our brain. It doesn’t overlap at all.
When we see someone in pain and we respond with empathy we may even also feel pain, generally negative emotions.
When we feel compassion and our focus is on the other person we want to help relieve their suffering. When feeling compassion the feelings reported are confidence and engaged instead of overwhelmed and fearful. Remember, completely different brain network.
So compassion is not just recognizing the suffering of others, or of self; it’s the motivation to relieve the suffering.
Self compassion is a practice which in turn helps us to extend it to others. Compassion is happening all the time, we may doubt this sometimes especially in challenging situations, We all have a natural wish to be free from hardship and suffering. Practices to improve your efficacy in compassion for self and others can help with personal and business relationships, reduce anxiety, improve self esteem and reported contentment. I recommend the Healthy Minds app …. daily guided practices, free to download and use. https://hminnovations.org/meditation-app (not sponsored)
